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Goodbye President Obama

Watching Frontline's "Divided States of America" on PBS online is making me stabby. Poor America, imagine all the good that could have happened if President Obama hadn't been obstructed every step of the way.
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End-of-Spring Roundup

Ok, so I'm not keeping up with the writing. I'm not sure if it's because I'd gotten used to no one caring what I had to say, or if I feel like my thoughts just aren't worth sharing. My life is really boring... I may ask for help with short writing assignments.

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We're heading into month 4. I had a few interviews (which I really thought I nailed!) and no callbacks. I've had several online "assessment tests" and I realized I really need to start studying more. I asked the internet universe for advice in transitioning to another career and got a lot of good study nuggets. My brain feels like it's about to explode most days. Add in the confusion, frustration and feelings of worthlessness, and you've got a very frazzled girl. I'm trying not to admit how down the whole thing has got me.

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I got a mild break over Memorial Day weekend when one of my favorite aunts offered me a family heirloom: the wooden rocking chair that my great grandmother used to rock my grandfather in. It was a whirlwind trip across the state with very little family time, but visiting my family always makes me feel rejuvenated.

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Our place flooded back in April. After 2 weeks of inspectors and assessments, the only work done: The owner decided to install a tankless water heater. Wonderful to have, but there's massive drywall work to be done here!

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Celebrated a friend's birthday with him, but more importantly it was my first foray into painting again. My mom gave me an oil set and I experimented for the first time by painting miniature portraits of his pets. Re-emerging in the creative arts is a validation, but more of a way to get it out of my system. Henna, done. Painting, done. Graphic design, in progress as always. Sewing... eh, not so much. I'm a bridesmaid in his wedding this fall so I've got my work cut out for me in the coming months! More chances to flex my creativity.



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And my gorgeous tomato plant got the blight and is pretty much dead. Nothing like investing so much time to have your efforts torn down in no time.

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My plans for the future: STUDY STUDY STUDY!~ Languages, web, coding, etc. A trip to the TWC office to discuss. A trip to the post office for returns. Selling my junk on CL. Visiting Kat while she's in town. Finding a curio cabinet to fit my space. And of course, find a job!
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Keep your spirits up, Jen

I really thought I nailed today's interview. It would have been perfect: new space, close to home, great environment, big name credentials on my resume...

I have no doubt whoever they picked was more qualified than I, but still, I'm absolutely heartbroken, so much more than I should be.

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Fear

I used to think I was fearless. I would skydive, jump off cliffs, try strange foods, wear ethnic clothing out, anything anyone asked or dared me to do. It's only in recent years that I've noticed just how afraid I am, really. Fear has kept me from exploring career opportunities, trying new software, expanding my henna business, etc.. To make matters worse, it's starting to depress me. I don't know when or how this started.

I think it's a fear of rejection, or failure, and I'm not quite sure how to overcome it. I've got a small army of supporters who cheer me on constantly, but I haven't been able to overcome this paralysis. I'm trying to take baby steps and go back to basics: sketching, writing, experimenting. I've never been good with discipline, and I suppose it's time to work on that as well.

I need Madam Leota in my corner yelling at me:

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Henna is magic.

Henna is always magical to me; it's still as mysterious and enchanting as the first time I mixed it, applied it, and viewed the glorious stain the next day. The very talented Monique Herzig of alchemy in Ferndale, MI completely captures this ethereal feeling in her video. If I had any kind of photography skill I would make my own video.

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Finding my voice again...

Well, I've finally hit it: a change in my life that I should have expected and actually hoped would happen (though not like this.) My department was eliminated at work.

I spent the first few days mourning and doing housework in between working on my resume (though it took me another week to finish 3 of them with cover letter and portfolio. I've never had problems writing about anything, just myself it seems; it's always like pulling teeth. This particular extraction was grueling and awful, and I couldn't have done it without a little help from my friends. ♪) I spent the Second week finding jobs and identifying the ones I wanted the most. More housework to delay the inevitable...

By the third week I knew I had to start getting serious and by end of the week I had applied to my top 3 jobs, plus 3 others. I went into Easter weekend feeling supremely confident that I would recieve a call in no time! Reveling in that confidence, I spent most of the fourth week enjoying myself apparently. I only applied to one job. But I also didn't hear anything. From anyone. I started to get nervous....

So here it is, the start of the fifth week. Four weeks ago I was laid off, and I still don't have a job. Or any calls.

I've never not been without work, so this is a very strange experience thus far. My father has graciously given me a kit he was given when he had to transition careers, and it's given me some food for thought. Perhaps it's time to change, though the dilemma for me has always been the same: I don't know what I will do that will make me happy or what I will like. I don't particularly enjoy graphic design any more than I enjoyed floristry. I like being creative, and I like solving technical problems. And I like research. Translating that into a paying career is going to be the hard part.

A few articles I read indicate that you should keep a schedule while unemployed, it's supposed to help fight off depression and keep you from falling into sloth by being productive. Part of that, I think, will be for me to take up writing again. I always think better when I do.
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